TUESDAYS AT NOON: THE FRENCH LOVE OBAMA!

Posted by Lori~

I try to keep political(ish) posts off of WOM-MOM.  I also avoid political(ish) posts on Facebook.  But today, I wanted to share a post written by a student journalist in France.  It's about Obama and guess what?!?  The French MOSTLY LIKE HIM!  That's right?!?

Are you surprised?!?  I was (considering the perception we are given in the US).  

Thank you Geraldine for putting in the work for this story.

I'm always planning ahead. You're Welcome, Shaun.

Posted by Ethne~

Conversation between Shaun and me one morning:

Me: Honey, when I’m dead someday, please smash an alarm clock at my funeral.

Shaun: Humph [with wonderment].

Me: True, we’ll be old and get up at 5 a.m. anyway, but on principle.

Shaun: Whatever.

(He’s totally Christian Grey in the morning, *am I right*?)

A Hard One to Write.

Posted by Ethne~

In high school English we had to write a eulogy for a girl we never met and knew nothing about, based upon a few facts.  I’m thinking about that now as I write this post because what I’m really thinking about is Zach Sobiech, the 18-year-old who just passed away from osteosarcoma cancer Monday.  I don’t know him.  I just heard about him in the news.

You may have heard about him too.  He had the number one song on iTunes on Tuesday, “Clouds”.  His songs continue to climb the charts and “Clouds” has over 5 million hits on YouTube.

In the news stories, Zach said that when he found out he had a year to live, he decided he was going to try to live a lifetime in that one year.  (You can read about him here and here.)  His songs were good-bye letters to his family.  I pray the girls, Shaun and I have our full lifetimes.  I also pray we live each day fully.

I suppose Zach can never leave the mark on us strangers that he will leave in the hearts of his family and friends.  But he has touched 5 million people with his music.  And they hope to raise $1 million from his iTunes sales – all of which goes to his fund for cancer research.  That’s a pretty big footprint for someone who wasn’t even 18 a full month.

So as we left for Omaha this morning, the radio show mentioned that Zach’s funeral was this morning and played a little part of “Clouds”.  I cried.

Then, as we drove through a cloudless Iowa, Shaun and I debated the outcome of the Supreme Court’s upcoming decisions (I am not lying, we’re nerds) and I juggled the girls’ video devices and snacks.  After Des Moines, and having exhausted such scintillating topics as wind turbines for power, cattle mating and the death penalty (this was our version of living life fully as we drove across Iowa, I guess), I decided to fire up my phone and found “Clouds” on YouTube.  I cried, a lot, just as we entered sunny Nebraska.

And I looked up and saw a “Z” in the clouds in the sky.  The only clouds in the sky.

The slash across the bottom was very clear in person.  The streak on the right was from a plane going by just then.

Kindergarten Already?!

Posted by Ethne~

Dudes, there is a milestone rite of passage going on up in the Denham house this week: kindergarten orientation!

First, it brings tears to my eyes.  My eyes get misty, thinking that they were just teeny preemies, what? five minutes years ago?  I am proud.  The pediatrician says they are not only on track, but advanced for their age.  But don’t worry, I’m not going to mommyjack any of the rest of you: where my girls are advanced in some places, they are sassy little #$%^ whom I cringe to take out in public many days.  I’m not exaggerating.  And I am scared.  Will they fit in?  Will their eccentric choice of clothing make them outcasts, or worse, cause their teachers to call child protection on us? (That is true, I have even asked the pediatrician this question.  No lie.)  Will they choose careers that no person can find a job for?

Let me expound.

I’ve shared with my friends and family recently how we’ve had some difficulty getting the girls to listen, even when it’s for their safety.  For example, they have no fear of strangers.  So I asked the doctor, how do I keep the girls safe from strangers when playing in the yard?  She suggested spray-painting a line in the grass they can’t cross.  ‘Can’t’ of course is subjective, but it’s worth a shot.  Shaun suggested one of those invisible fences.

The doctor assured me that as long as their clothes are clean, their teachers won’t call child protection on us.  And peer pressure will probably iron out the mis-matching.  Or not.  Someone pointed out it’s better than them wearing all black.  True.

And careers!  I pray they don’t load up $400,000 in school loans (isn’t it supposed to be $100,000 per year for tuition by the time our kids go to college?) for a college degree they can’t use.  And heaven forbid they become doctors or lawyers.  Oxymoron of the American dream there, right?  I saw on CNN yesterday that doctors are filing for bankruptcy and I read recently that a bunch of lawyers sued their law schools for ‘false advertising’ the number of lawyer-jobs available once they graduated.  Good grief.

So I will hope that my sweet KD becomes a celebrity stylist.  She is VERY into stylishness – even if her clothes are mis-matched, she feels they are fabulous.  She prances around.  She loves wearing make-up and fake nails and hair stuff.  She clipped a hair bow onto a headband this weekend – just like you can buy at the store – but hers was homemade.  I could die!  And best of all, she styled up her bunny in a big dress, with hair ties for necklace and headband, and rings for earrings.  I was beyond impressed.

Rings for earrings!!!

Easy Mac, I am certain, will be a writer just like Grandpa Paul.  I certainly hope so.  She makes up and writes down fake words and make-believe stories already.  My heart is all aflutter!

Until then, I have to figure out what to wear to the open house.  I can't be a frumpy mom.  Oh No.  I will mommyjack you there, my friends.  After some lovely mommyjacker smoked me at pre-school open house, I vowed, I would never, ever, be out-done again.

Wednesday at Noon: I Eat Feelings and Spit Them Out.

Posted by Ethne~

Conversation between Shaun and me:

me: I think your sister teared up when each of her friends arrived [for her surprise birthday party].  I even saw wetness in your eyes.  That's sweet.

Shaun: She’s my baby sister.

me: I never cry at stuff like this.  I don’t really like to cry.  I wonder if that’s why I don’t like watching inspirational or romantic movies, since they make people cry.

Shaun: You’re like the emotional black hole of the family.

me:  Shut up.  No…you’re right, I am a black hole.  A$$hole.

My phone is really confused.

Posted by Ethne~

I think I’ve mentioned that I got a new smartphone.  I had the option of getting an iPhone, but I decided to get a Samsung Galaxy SIII.  Let’s just say there were several reasons I wanted it, but pretty much the biggest was because the Galaxy is KILLING the iPhone 5 right now!

I don’t use it near its capacity for intelligence.  In fact, I probably don’t even know 50% of what it can do.  But hello, there was no book that came with it that said, this is all the sh!t your phone can do.

The sucker is almost creepy.  Its front-facing camera watches my eyeballs and it won’t go to sleep if it sees my eyes are still looking at the phone, even if I haven’t touched it in over a minute (my sleep-set time).  Whit and I call it bionic – like we call our mom’s bionic eye after her lasix lens replacement surgery: if it hits the light just right, she could totally be the Terminator’s blue-eyed twin.

One of my favorite features is I can slide-text.  In other words, I can slide my fingers across the letters I want to type on the keyboard and my phone, for the most part, gets it right.  The texting keyboard is smart, and the sliding function is awesome. 

But it’s not that smart.  This morning I was typing the word “grandbabies” via slide-text in a message to my dad and my phone guessed that I meant this word instead: transvestite.

CRIME EDITION: Jodi Arias ~ Love Kills

Posted by Ethne~

WARNING: the subject matter of this post is not family-friendly.  If you have morals or some sh*t like that, you may want to pass on this post.  OTHERWISE, enjoy.

Remember when Lori and I wanted Casey Anthony fry in.the.worst.way?  And how we thought Nancy Grace should be nervous since we would be the new gig in town on HLN?  Well, those never came to pass.  I cussed a whole bunch at the C.A. jury; Lori totally called it all along.

But we and our lost faith have moved on in the criminal justice system and have landed on a new case for WOMEN ON A MISSION: CRIME EDITION -- JODI ARIAS.  This ho-bag has it all – sex (she and the deceased did the deed from every angle – she is testifying, LIVE RIGHT NOW, dudes, and it’s graphic), lies (she told the police three different versions alone, and one time told them she wanted to freshen her makeup before they took her to the station) and just to be clear – it’s a murder trial.  This chick converted to Mormonism to be with her boyfriend, they broke up, but still did the deed all the time (even though she says it just broke her heart to break their religious laws) and then, in a well-documented premeditated fashion, drove to his house in AZ from her place in CA and stabbed him 29 times, shot him in the face, and slit his throat from ear to ear, not necessarily in that order.  She admits this on the stand.  I am totally not making this up.  How could I?  Truth is always better than fiction.

Credit: HLN In Session

So yeah, you probably guessed that Lori and I are all over this.  I’ve got our GT bffs in on it.  I’ve got my sisters in on it.  In fact, they gave me a lesson on sociopaths and psychopaths – Jodi is a total sociopath.  We diagnosed *because we are that smart* that Jodi Arias has borderline personality disorder.  Google it.  We’re like armchair forensic psychologists or some sh*t.

Shaun refuses to watch Nancy Grace.  Good Lord I don’t know what his problem is.  Partly because she’s obnoxious, I admit; partly because I forced him to watch Dancing with the Stars the season she was on it almost to the end.  I tried getting him to watch it tonight for “research” and he said I did not need to do said “research” on our 55” tv when we had two other perfectly functional tvs in the house.  [It didn’t help that I thought I was texting the following message to Lori and accidentally sent the message to Shaun instead: “Shaun in a much better mood.  Not even preventing me from watching Jane Velez-Mitchell.  Research.”  Sent at 6:39 p.m.  Nancy comes on at 7 p.m.  I am not even lying.  I just did this.]

So I watch Nancy on my KindleFireHD with my headphones in.  Since it would be too hard to go to another room where we have like a 42” HD tv.  Or our bedroom where we have like a 30” HD tv.  My 7” screen is MUCH BETTER.

And can I just say what is wrong with Nancy lately?  She has been wearing this stupid sparkly gold bobby clip in her bangy hair every night.  Yeah, Nancy, once a week is too many nights for that clip.  And best of all, she’s been wearing this handcuff necklace where the cuffs link together right at the base of her neck.  It’s hefty, each cuff being the size of a quarter.  Nancy may think she’s all representing justice and stuff, but any self-respecting woman knows that necklace was really made for 50 Shades of Grey fetishists.  Steph and I figure this is Nancy’s way of crying out for a stylist since no stylist would do these two things on purpose.

Nancy and the bobby barrette; mousy Jodi on the stand - you can guess how Nancy feels about her from the finger quotations alone. Credit HLN

Nancy and the bobby barrette and handcuff necklace - she has worn it multiple times.  Jodi didn't used to be so mousy, as seen in the bottom right pic of her and the deceased.  Credit: HLN

The optimist in me thinks Jodi is going to be convicted.  She admits to the murder after all – she’s trying to get off with the battered woman defense.  Uh, if you’ve slowed him down with one of your 3 methods of killing, I’m pretty sure you can retreat and call 911 – and you did none of these things biotch.  Don’t even get me started on the legal analysis of this thing.  I even had my phone researching moral turpitude today; primarily because that legal term kicks a$$.  Say it out loud: “moral turpitude” – don’t you already feel smarter?  [As an aside, I elected to get a Samsung Galaxy S3 instead of an iPhone and I must say, I rock.  So when I was asking it to research moral turpitude, I said “Hi Galaxy, what does moral turpitude mean?” since I talk to Galaxy, not Siri.  It’s way cooler talking to the Galaxy than some made-up ho’ named Siri.  Ka-pow!]

Lori says she’s getting off.  I mean, Jodi’s getting off.  And for sure that she’s not getting the death penalty (which the prosecution is going for).  But the prosecution hasn’t gotten ahold of her yet, so we’ll have to check back again.  I am frothing at the mouth for this.  Since ripping her a new a-hole isn’t really proper considering the deeds she’s already disclosed to the jury, let’s just say, I hope the prosecutor makes her squirm.  [Though according to my sociopath lesson, she doesn’t have feelings and is an incredibly good liar, so good luck with that.]

I hope none of your Valentines are crazy stalkers, Friends.  If they are, feel free to kick them to the curb and blame me.  Otherwise, spend your V-day watching some HLN Jodi Arias testimony with your hunny: I’m pretty sure you’ll thank me later.  That’s what I call romance.

Blog Year-in-Review: 2012 Favorites

Posted by Ethne~

Going through a few 2011 posts the other day, I realized that Lori and I never did a 2012 post favorites summary like I did for 2011 here.

Hey you, read my s**t.

So I went through my favorite 2012 Ethne posts and here they are.  In no particular order, it was pretty much all about laughter, which mostly included laughing at myself, frequently *inferred* cuss words, and generally involved time with the hubby and the kids.  Lori and I didn’t post as much in 2012 as in 2011, but we have a new goal for 2013, so you should see more of us in these parts, get on back here; even better, become a follower and you’ll be the first to receive our posts.  And seriously, who doesn’t want to know the next time I carve swear words into bananas?  You, that’s who.

Our bananas just went downhill from here.

These are my favorites, in no particular order except at the end:

 

1.  I loved me some good food.  Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes; Praline Cheesecake Bites; Vegetable Sushi Rolls; Reuben Sandwiches, Homemade Popsicles; Girls Trip ’12 Food; and the genius Pink Ombre Baby Shower Cake (with buttercream frosting) I made for Slags.

'Joyce Tomatoes' are a Girls Trip food STAPLE - we gave them a twist this year.

2.  I loved even more when I made family favorite foods.  Teresa’s mom’s recipe for Slushburgers and Pickles; and our family recipe for Fried Green Tomatoes.

My requested birthday meal.

3.  I especially loved a few of the crafts and activities I did, mostly for the kids, but a few for me: Cork Necklace; Teensy Bead Angels; Summer Pinterest Challenge, Part 1; my DIY Bedroom Furniture Makeover; and the Teensy Acorn Owls I made for Slags’ Baby Shower.

Teensy bead angel

Teensy acorn owl - see a theme of miniatures?  We gave one of these to John and Sherry Petersik of YoungHouseLove

4.  I loved when I went to Michigan to visit family.  I talked about my cousin’s wedding and the wedding cake my Aunt Pam made here and here.

Traditional Cousin Picture - lined up by age, as we have done since childhood - now spouses added.

5.  There was some miscellaneous awesomeness such as when my sis Mel Organized My Bathroom; when I was Queen for a Day;  when my sis Whit and I had a 4^th of July Beauty Marathon; when the girls and I made Fairy Gardens; and our sneaky Christmas Elf on the Shelf, Lyle.

Celebrity Make-up Artist, Kalina Fernandez, did MY make-up!!!!

6.  I loved when Grizz’s Baby L was born (Oct. 26) and Slags’ Baby N was born (Jan 3, 2013, but that’s close enough).  [Baby N is doing FAB-U-LOUS by the way.  And Baby L is super sassy.]

I made that headband - adorable.  Look at that pucker!

She is a mini of her momma

L is a mini of her daddy - with a little momma sprinkled here and there

 

7.  I super-duper especially loved when I was sassy and irreverent and wrote stuff like ‘Live Free or Twi-Hard’, ‘Glee & Anarchy’, ‘Ethne on Sharing a Bed’, ‘Ethne on Irreverent Laughter’, ’Pinterest Pin-ups ~ 50 Shades of Wet Dreams*’, ‘Blogs Bring Tears to my Eyes’, 'Lori's Coming to Town' and the ‘Top Ten Reasons to Vote’.

Patricia Krentcil - pretty much the best source of laughter there is.

I have cast Cam Gigandet for the role of Christian Grey.

8.  I loved how the girls’ 5^th Vampire Birthday Party turned out.

I did not dress like this for the party.  I did this to a photo and you would not believe how long it took to get my fangs just right.

9.  My post called ‘Please Help a Stranger and Hug Your Kids’ was quite meaningful and one of my very favorites.  My dad said it brought a tear to his eye.

 

~and my top favorite post of 2012 is~

 

10.  ‘Mur-Man Almost Sneezed All Over YoungHouseLove’ because Lori and I (and our friend and follower Roxanne M.) went to meet our very favorite blog authors, John & Sherry Petersik, at their book signing here in big city, MN, in November, and when we posed for a picture with them, Mur-Man sneezed out a giant booger and it almost landed on John P.  Lori and I took a picture of it and laughed so hard as we wrote up that post that night.  By far the best.  Because we did it together.

I am not even lying.

Have a great weekend everyone!

FRIDAY AT NOON: Ethne hates books today.

Posted by Ethne~

I hate books. 
I hate one book actually.

I read this really great book last night until midnight; the characters were great, it was a love story, and then the ending was crap.  Don’t mess with my tender heart be-atch.

The thing is, I really love literature.  You might remember from here and here where I talked about how even though Lori is ridiculous for not reading Twilight, and I am in love with Christian Grey, it doesn’t matter what books you like.  There is always one out there waiting to gobble you up and transport you away and transform your soul, at least for an hour or a day or a month.  Maybe forever.

I pinned this funny quote on Pinterest.

That's right.  Pretend you didn't read this Shaun, I'm joking.

And this apt one for me when I get my mind blown by a good read.

It reminds me of what Snape says about Lily Evans Potter, but it's totally true about everything.

Ok, maybe one more

So I have been on the hunt for a new good book.  Amazon recommends books for me all the time on my Kindle.  I’m thankful, I really am.  Usually they’re either zombie-related (cuz I recently read World War Z), romances (cuz of 50 Shades and Bared to You) or vampire-related (if you don’t know why, you don’t know me at all – ok, so if you’re new to this blog, I love Twilight and I’ve also read the House of Night series and several others, FYI).  But I am NOT one of those gals who latches on to a Nicholas Sparks or James Patterson.  Those stories don’t turn my crank, no offense.  They’re a tad repetitive to me.  And I don’t particularly like to be inspired by books.  I like to fall in love.  I like to have my insides all twisted up with longing.  And, if it’s zombies, I don’t mind a little blood and guts.

BUT, I can’t spend $10 every other night because I’m an effing fast reader, and I can’t ignore my family, because I pretty much want to pretend I’m lost on a deserted island when I’m falling in love with a book.

So when this book came across my Kindle two nights ago, it was only like $1, and it had lots of GREAT reviews, a pretty cover (yeah, I know) and the author was self-published (which was a roll of the dice, but with a ka-jillion great reviews, which mentioned other books I liked, I thought I’d give this brave author a chance).

Stupid. 

I’ll be clear.  I couldn’t put the effer down.  It was FABULOUS.  The characters were awesome and sweet and twisted and broken; the plot was well-developed, which is a fete; and it wasn’t some Nicholas Sparks broken record (again, no offense).  BUT…AND SPOILER ALERT…it was the author who was the twisted manipulator in the end.  She didn’t bring them together!  And up until the last page, she wasn’t clear; and I even had to re-read the last two paragraphs of the epilogue just to make sure.  TORTURE.  And then I couldn’t sleep.  It’s like the classic literature I read in college where the ends weren’t all neat and tidy.  But I like my ends all neat and tidy, so I say, EFF YOU B!T%H.

So, Tarryn Fisher, if you make it big and get published by some big publishing house, and this book gets made into a movie, I am totally not going to see it.  And I am so going to go public with my midnight, January 2013 review entitled “Argh!” which, I just realized in my shock and delirium I gave 5 stars.  Sh!t.

Just so you know, I did get my act together (after I b!tc^ed to Kari about it via text) and go to work and actually get work done, so the book did not take up my whole brain, just a little teeny part that annoyed me and nagged at me.  I’ll think about it more tonight.  And then Whit and I are going to try to wax our legs with homemade leg wax tomorrow, so that’ll be fun.