February 11, 2013

CRIME EDITION: Jodi Arias ~ Love Kills

Posted by Ethne~

WARNING: the subject matter of this post is not family-friendly.  If you have morals or some sh*t like that, you may want to pass on this post.  OTHERWISE, enjoy.

Remember when Lori and I wanted Casey Anthony fry in.the.worst.way?  And how we thought Nancy Grace should be nervous since we would be the new gig in town on HLN?  Well, those never came to pass.  I cussed a whole bunch at the C.A. jury; Lori totally called it all along.

But we and our lost faith have moved on in the criminal justice system and have landed on a new case for WOMEN ON A MISSION: CRIME EDITION -- JODI ARIAS.  This ho-bag has it all – sex (she and the deceased did the deed from every angle – she is testifying, LIVE RIGHT NOW, dudes, and it’s graphic), lies (she told the police three different versions alone, and one time told them she wanted to freshen her makeup before they took her to the station) and just to be clear – it’s a murder trial.  This chick converted to Mormonism to be with her boyfriend, they broke up, but still did the deed all the time (even though she says it just broke her heart to break their religious laws) and then, in a well-documented premeditated fashion, drove to his house in AZ from her place in CA and stabbed him 29 times, shot him in the face, and slit his throat from ear to ear, not necessarily in that order.  She admits this on the stand.  I am totally not making this up.  How could I?  Truth is always better than fiction.

Credit: HLN In Session

So yeah, you probably guessed that Lori and I are all over this.  I’ve got our GT bffs in on it.  I’ve got my sisters in on it.  In fact, they gave me a lesson on sociopaths and psychopaths – Jodi is a total sociopath.  We diagnosed *because we are that smart* that Jodi Arias has borderline personality disorder.  Google it.  We’re like armchair forensic psychologists or some sh*t.

Shaun refuses to watch Nancy Grace.  Good Lord I don’t know what his problem is.  Partly because she’s obnoxious, I admit; partly because I forced him to watch Dancing with the Stars the season she was on it almost to the end.  I tried getting him to watch it tonight for “research” and he said I did not need to do said “research” on our 55” tv when we had two other perfectly functional tvs in the house.  [It didn’t help that I thought I was texting the following message to Lori and accidentally sent the message to Shaun instead: “Shaun in a much better mood.  Not even preventing me from watching Jane Velez-Mitchell.  Research.”  Sent at 6:39 p.m.  Nancy comes on at 7 p.m.  I am not even lying.  I just did this.]

So I watch Nancy on my KindleFireHD with my headphones in.  Since it would be too hard to go to another room where we have like a 42” HD tv.  Or our bedroom where we have like a 30” HD tv.  My 7” screen is MUCH BETTER.

And can I just say what is wrong with Nancy lately?  She has been wearing this stupid sparkly gold bobby clip in her bangy hair every night.  Yeah, Nancy, once a week is too many nights for that clip.  And best of all, she’s been wearing this handcuff necklace where the cuffs link together right at the base of her neck.  It’s hefty, each cuff being the size of a quarter.  Nancy may think she’s all representing justice and stuff, but any self-respecting woman knows that necklace was really made for 50 Shades of Grey fetishists.  Steph and I figure this is Nancy’s way of crying out for a stylist since no stylist would do these two things on purpose.

Nancy and the bobby barrette; mousy Jodi on the stand - you can guess how Nancy feels about her from the finger quotations alone. Credit HLN
Nancy and the bobby barrette and handcuff necklace - she has worn it multiple times.  Jodi didn't used to be so mousy, as seen in the bottom right pic of her and the deceased.  Credit: HLN

The optimist in me thinks Jodi is going to be convicted.  She admits to the murder after all – she’s trying to get off with the battered woman defense.  Uh, if you’ve slowed him down with one of your 3 methods of killing, I’m pretty sure you can retreat and call 911 – and you did none of these things biotch.  Don’t even get me started on the legal analysis of this thing.  I even had my phone researching moral turpitude today; primarily because that legal term kicks a$$.  Say it out loud: “moral turpitude” – don’t you already feel smarter?  [As an aside, I elected to get a Samsung Galaxy S3 instead of an iPhone and I must say, I rock.  So when I was asking it to research moral turpitude, I said “Hi Galaxy, what does moral turpitude mean?” since I talk to Galaxy, not Siri.  It’s way cooler talking to the Galaxy than some made-up ho’ named Siri.  Ka-pow!]

Lori says she’s getting off.  I mean, Jodi’s getting off.  And for sure that she’s not getting the death penalty (which the prosecution is going for).  But the prosecution hasn’t gotten ahold of her yet, so we’ll have to check back again.  I am frothing at the mouth for this.  Since ripping her a new a-hole isn’t really proper considering the deeds she’s already disclosed to the jury, let’s just say, I hope the prosecutor makes her squirm.  [Though according to my sociopath lesson, she doesn’t have feelings and is an incredibly good liar, so good luck with that.]

I hope none of your Valentines are crazy stalkers, Friends.  If they are, feel free to kick them to the curb and blame me.  Otherwise, spend your V-day watching some HLN Jodi Arias testimony with your hunny: I’m pretty sure you’ll thank me later.  That’s what I call romance.

1 comment:

Kelly said...

OMG your post was Heelarious! Regarding Nancy's hideous barrette, my mom said "maybe it's her daughter's." I thought that was funny. That barrette is hideous.