March 3, 2011

RIOT GIRLS: Weight Watcher's Bracelet

Posted by Ethne~

Lori and I have decided to add a new blog series called "riot girls".  These posts will happen randomly on Thursdays at noon so be on the lookout for many more!

When Lori and I tell our best stories, we cackle until it hurts, and usually until I have tears of laughter running down my cheeks.  We did this just tonight when we were picking stories to tell for our Riot Girls posts.

Shaun told me once that he probably wouldn’t have liked me in high school.  That I probably was too loud and obnoxious.  And I was a cheerleader.  Whatever, Lori and I call it rioting.  We were good kids.  We were in the honor group of our graduating class (Lori gave our commencement address).  We didn’t get in trouble with alcohol or boys or other such tosh.  Our parents did not have any reason to ground us.  We made our own fun.  And we laughed A LOT.  We liked to prank, play games, dress up and listen to gangsta rap music.  That’s what we call rioting.  I won't own up to obnoxious, but I'll concede loud.

May 26, 1996

We're always up to something, so there's generally a riot afoot.

Probably one of my favorite riot stories is the Weight Watchers bracelet story.  It is a tale re-told at Girls Trip every summer, and it invariably comes up when we have our weekends together.  Lori tells me the Weight Watchers bracelet still exists somewhere in her stash.

It was in her stash!  However--this bracelet has been through a LOT and the charm point counter is MISSING!
Lori, the Kellys, Lori’s friend EG, Lori's friend SK, Shaun and I met up in Alexandria, MN, and went out to some small-town bars in the little towns around Alex.  Quite an adventure we found.  The town bar in question was located in a small town whose other public building was a church.  I don’t even remember the name of the town, or the bar.

EG and SK.  FUN FACT:  Lori's calls EG cousin, because he
shares the same last name as Lori's maiden name

[To make sense of the story’s name, you must also know that in this same time period, Lori was dieting with Weight Watchers, and she wore an elasticized pearl bracelet with a charm that moved around the bracelet to count how many food points she had eaten that day.]

Mur-Man checking out the bracelet!

We sat down and had some cocktails at tables adjacent to the bar’s pool tables.  Shaun and EG were talking with their best effeminate accents, which evidently a pool-playing patron took offense to.  Said patron came up behind Shaun, said he needed to go have a talk with him, and when Shaun asked what about, he yanked Shaun over the back of the chair and onto the floor.

Being the good girlfriend I was, I sat and watched – and froze.  Not Lori, though.  She ripped out of her chair, launched around the table, and gave the nasty thug a few solid thwacks until the bouncers came over and hauled the homophobic pool-player out of the bar.  I can picture this in my mind today as if in slow motion. 

When the dust settled (this was the most exciting thing to happen this small-town Saturday night), we pulled ourselves back together and realized that Lori’s Weight Watcher’s bracelet was missing.  A thorough search netted recovery of the bracelet across the room from where we were sitting (and the site of the altercation).

That’s right, while some scary homophobic redneck attacked my boyfriend right next to me, I sat in frozen terror.  But I was packin’.  I had my BFF with me.  She defended my Shaun so well that the exerted force launched her Weight Watcher’s bracelet across the room.  That’s what friends are for.

LIVE ACTION SHOT of Mur-Man attempting to fling the bracelet across the room! 

And to be perfectly clear, Shaun can fend for himself.  It’s nice to know who’s got your back though.


Anonymous said...

This is EG of the story. I remember that night and the points. I would like to say that I helped Lori but think I was under the influence of the Captin to do anything. That was a good night and now most of us in the story are parents. I hope my boy is not like me when he gets to that age. I am surprised that we made it.

WOM-MOMS said...

No, no, EG, you want your son to have a blast - just like we did - but maybe not in a throwdown at a ho-dunk bar! :) Now as to some of the dumber things I did in college....our kids can definitely avoid that! Hope you're well - I saw Lor's road trip pictures from last summer - your son is CUTE!