Dudes, there is a milestone rite of passage going on up in the Denham house this week: kindergarten orientation!
First, it brings tears to my eyes. My eyes get misty, thinking that they were just teeny preemies, what? five
minutes years ago? I am proud. The
pediatrician says they are not only on track, but advanced for their age. But don’t worry, I’m not going to
mommyjack any of the rest of you: where my girls are advanced in some places,
they are sassy little #$%^ whom I cringe to take out in public many days. I’m not exaggerating. And I am scared. Will they fit in? Will their eccentric choice of clothing
make them outcasts, or worse, cause their teachers to call child protection on
us? (That is true, I have even asked the pediatrician this question. No lie.) Will they choose careers that no person can find a job for?
Let me expound.
I’ve shared with my friends and family recently how we’ve had some difficulty getting the girls to listen, even when it’s for their safety. For example, they have no fear of strangers. So I asked the doctor, how do I keep the girls safe from strangers when playing in the yard? She suggested spray-painting a line in the grass they can’t cross. ‘Can’t’ of course is subjective, but it’s worth a shot. Shaun suggested one of those invisible fences.
The doctor assured me that as long as their clothes are clean, their teachers won’t call child protection on us. And peer pressure will probably iron out the mis-matching. Or not. Someone pointed out it’s better than them wearing all black. True.
And careers! I pray they don’t load up $400,000 in school loans (isn’t it supposed to be $100,000 per year for tuition by the time our kids go to college?) for a college degree they can’t use. And heaven forbid they become doctors or lawyers. Oxymoron of the American dream there, right? I saw on CNN yesterday that doctors are filing for bankruptcy and I read recently that a bunch of lawyers sued their law schools for ‘false advertising’ the number of lawyer-jobs available once they graduated. Good grief.
So I will hope that my sweet KD becomes a celebrity stylist. She is VERY into stylishness – even if her clothes are mis-matched, she feels they are fabulous. She prances around. She loves wearing make-up and fake nails and hair stuff. She clipped a hair bow onto a headband this weekend – just like you can buy at the store – but hers was homemade. I could die! And best of all, she styled up her bunny in a big dress, with hair ties for necklace and headband, and rings for earrings. I was beyond impressed.
Easy Mac, I am certain, will be a writer just like Grandpa Paul. I certainly hope so. She makes up and writes down fake words and make-believe stories already. My heart is all aflutter!
Until then, I have to figure out what to wear to the open house. I can't be a frumpy mom. Oh No. I will mommyjack you there, my friends. After some lovely mommyjacker smoked me at pre-school open house, I vowed, I would never, ever, be out-done again.